Photo

#25 Photo - a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

I had a really difficult time choosing a picture for this prompt. I really, really, really like being in front of the camera. I’m a little bit of a ham and I’m a smidgen a scosh a tad a lot vain. I love coming across a picture where I just look stunning. But I didn’t pick a picture like that…

This picture was taken the day before my 29^th birthday in the Rose Room at L’Atelier.  It was my golden birthday and this birthday epitomizes the whole evening- glowing and golden and warm. It was taken by my sister (whose camera is sort of broken but not totally- so she photographs like we used to, waiting to see the picture until it is uploaded). She snapped it right as this monstrous dessert of chocolate mousse, fresh fruit and real whipped cream inside of an enormous glass vase of sorts was delivered to me.  It was the ending to a stunningly perfect birthday dinner.  My grandma was able to join us to celebrate, which is a treat because she doesn’t go out to dinner as much as she used to.  We included my dad’s new girlfriend and she and my mom totally hit it off.  And my darling roommate was there to celebrate with us as well. 

I actually don’t like the way I look in this picture. 

Which is telling- in and of itself. 

I’m smiling too big. My nose looks huge and you can’t see my eyes, which are my favorite asset.  On the other hand, I’m wildly happy. I’m being throughly celebrated, pampered and loved. My heart is overflowing with love and it is as if I’m trying to keep it from bursting out of my chest.  And I’m in the moment. Which can be a struggle for me. J caught me at the perfect split second.  Before I could preen or pose.

I might’ve liked the picture more if I had posed for it.  But it wouldn’t have captured the love I felt.  It would have been tempered and restrained as I so often do to my feelings.  It wouldn’t have captured the love around me either- you can’t see anyone else in this picture, but you can feel their love and if I had stopped to pose for it I would have stolen that out of the image.

This picture is a lot like my twitter avatar. Totally candid.  And even though I can be critical (easily) of both pictures they both manage to reveal this side of me that I wish I were more comfortable with.  The side of me that is silly and filled with joy.  The side of me that isn’t afraid to show how I really feel and goddamn the consequences.  The side of me that is open and full of love to give. So even though I meant to pick a picture of who I am- I really chose a picture of who I strive to be. Joyful, fearless, open and (god-forbid) not totally perfect.