Beyond Avoidance

#20 Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

I’m sure there are a few things I avoided pretty successfully this year.  But the one that really comes to mind is clearing with some people who I chose to release from my life this year.

I significantly changed a relationship with a close friend and never discussed the changes with her.  It just seemed like it was bound to happen eventually and it wasn’t worth the drama of discussing it.  I mean, the whole point of our relationship changing was based on the fact that she didn’t think I was being a good friend to her and I thought she wasn’t being a good friend to me… so, if she’s not a good friend and I’m not a good friend why drag it out.  The only reason I can think of is if she was taking up any energy or heart space. And she isn’t. It’s amazing how much changes when you let it.  I had avoided changing our relationship for years, fought to stay close to her through some pretty disturbing events only to discover that she was just as comfortable letting me go from her life as well.

Another person I let go of was a co-worker. When I left my old school I just cut all ties with her.  We were barely speaking the last week of school anyway and then she pulled some shady moves with supplies for the teacher that was taking over my classroom.  Not the kind of person I want to associate with. And again, just not even worth my time. I haven’t given her a second thought- until now.

The last one was someone I was building a relationship with.  I considered her a friend, but she wasn’t in the inner circle.  She is one of the most dramatic people I know.  And the word truth doesn’t really factor into her dictionary.  She wanted a big, drawn out explanation of what she had done.  It wasn’t even like that. And I just couldn’t spend the time attempting to explain that to her when I was pretty certain she wouldn’t even hear what I was saying.

Here’s my big take-away on this- I did what needed to be done in all three cases. I just avoided talking about it.  

Is that because I’m a wimp and don’t enjoy confrontation? 

Maybe. 

Is it because once I’ve made up my mind about a situation (like this) I don’t see any need to change it? 

Probably. 

Am I worse off for not having these conversations where I tell someone they don’t get to be a part of my life anymore? 

I don’t think so.

So NO- I’m not going "do it". 

I don’t need to.