Make

#6 Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?
I made a lot of things this year.
I made a lot of dinners. Cooking is one of my favorite activities. It centers me and I love the way I can combine a number of ingredients that won’t stand alone into a dish that delights and surprises my roommate, family or guests.
I also “made” a classroom, basically from scratch. Which is unusual in the teaching field. Typically a new teacher would inherit a classroom filled with materials, books, desks and chairs. Our Kindergarten was an expansion room this year so we started with tables and chairs, a bookshelf, a large locking cabinet and little else. Little by little I’ve had materials donated, scrounged, and borrowed to fill the room and make it feel the way I think a Kindergarten room should. While we collected furniture, and then, finally, a carpet, the children and I made a community. We built a family. Which is one of the other things I love about teaching. We have our routines and traditions and we love and support each other.
I think, though, that most important thing I made this year was Peace. I made peace with myself, with my place in the world and with the moment. I’ve talked about this post frequently already… the post I wrote just before starting reverb10… is all about making peace and being happy where I am right now. This isn’t one of those things that you make and then it is finished… it’s a constant awareness of choosing happiness instead of despair. So in 2011 I imagine I’ll continue to make peace with myself… and my life as I make changes to it and… it changes around me.
The one thing I really want to make in 2011 in addition to peace, is love.
(Yes, I just said I want to make love… blushing...)
I don’t mean that in a strictly physical sense.
(I would never talk about that in public…)
I mean I want to open my heart and mind in order to facilitate love growing around me. I’m working on making love to myself.
(I’m resigning myself to this post just kinda sounding dirty…)
Loving myself for who I am, loving my body for what it is, loving all my little crags and crevices both physical and mental, instead of trying to hide who I am in my daily life. I’m working on being totally, authentically in love with myself.
I hope that this manifests a few things for me. One, I know for sure, is that it will make me a better teacher, friend, daughter and sister. Two, I’m hoping that reverberating love opens a space for a man in my life. To that end, I’m not looking for much. The Man of my Dreams only has to be:
Hardworking- ambitious yet balanced
Outdoorsy and energetic
Patient- someone who will talk through things with me
Honest
Loyal
Social
Respectful
Masculine
Affectionate
Passionate
Spontaneous
It wouldn’t hurt if he loved food and wine and music and entertaining as much as I do.

I know that a huge part of meeting this man is making the space in my already crowded life. Which is something I’ve been unwilling to do for the last four years. So I’m committing myself to making love in 2011. Because if I don’t do it now I’ll just keep making excuses for years to come. Because it is so much easier not to make the space and not get hurt. Because it is so much easier to be unhappy with myself and not let anyone get to know the real me… the me that happens to be pretty spectacular.
I’m making peace with the fact that I will likely be hurt in this process… for some reason that isn’t making it any less scary.
So I’m just going for it.