Friendship

#16 Friendship: How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual or a sudden burst?

The friend that taught me the most this year is without a doubt, Alex. (No, not me.  She used to be called Alley- I still call her that most of the time- oops!)

Here’s the thing about Alex… she loves with the most open heart I have ever seen. I mean EVER. Really.

I’ve made some mistakes in our friendship this year. I’ve also been there for her when she really needed me. And, without fail, she tells me she appreciates me and is thankful for our friendship. When we have something that we disagree on we can talk through it calmly… and rationally. This was a new concept for me. To be able to say to someone, “This isn’t working for me (or looks like it’s not working for you). How can WE fix it?” And to know that this won’t be met with derision or phoniness. It’s priceless.  And it’s teaching me how to be a better version of myself.

I can come to her and say I need your help (on anything from a problem at school or a huge fight with my family to something with a man) and she’s there. Usually with the yummy food she’s teaching herself to cook. Always with a hug and a sympathetic ear. And even though she had her heart broken this year (in a minor fashion- if such a thing can ever be minor) she still believes.  And she won’t let me give up hope either.

When she and I first met we weren’t fast friends.  I look like a high school cheerleader and Alex looks a little tougher, a little cooler.  She thought I was judging her and I thought she thought I was ridiculous. Actually, it took a ridiculous comment from me to initiate a beginning to our friendship.  But once we were friends it was for life.

We traveled together in Italy (I think that travelling together is the ultimate test). We did great- until we had some other people throw a wrench in our nice, little system. But we recovered nicely. She said, at one point, “I have enough money to bail us out if we get put in jail in Italy!” And this is what she’s taught me over the last two years: every problem has a solution… and getting arrested isn’t the worst thing in the world. (BTW- we did not get arrested in Italy- although we did get lost in Venice for almost two whole days- and she did get groped by a gondolier… but hey it’s Italy, right?! And we did miss the bus for the conference about three times, which stressed me out but didn’t really bother her at all.) She’s unflappable.  Things come her way that are out of her control and she takes a step back and takes a breath and lets them roll on by. She’s teaching me that nothing is bad enough or long-enough lasting to really stress out about it.

She’s teaching me that people who really care about each other talk through the tough stuff.  They don’t yell and scream and stomp their feet (well, maybe sometimes).  They’re honest about their feelings and they share those feelings openly without judgment and they listen to each other and come up with different solutions until they find one that really works for both people. 

She’s teaching me that people who really care for each other are there for each other without exhausting themselves… that in order to actually care for someone else I have to take care of myself first.  

It’s been a drip, drip, drip kinda learning which makes sense since she’s also teaching me how to make a decent cup of coffee too.