#17 Lesson Learned

Lesson Learned: What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

The best thing I learned about myself this year (again) is that I’m really WAY stronger than I realize.  Dealing with the job situation- having to choose to leave, make the announcement, stand up to my principal and then leave and job hunt all summer long is just one piece of the body of evidence that I (usually) am bound and determined to deny. Couple that with the torture of being the only single bridesmaid at a wedding and the only single girl at most of the pre-wedding events (for both brides) and people asking “What’s a nice girl like you doing still single?” It made for a pretty fun year.

I never gave up though. I never collapsed in on myself, even though I felt like I might at times.  Especially when I listened to some of the bridesmaids talk about having kids and discount their own desires in favor of their husbands. Instead I reminded myself that I stand beautifully on my own, that I don’t need someone to complete me. I don’t need a garage that’s clean and organized and a husband or kids to make me worthwhile. I’m worthwhile just as I am- a single woman.

I even took a step towards handling my frustration in a constructive manner- instead of crying hysterically until I couldn’t breathe before coming down and getting it figured out, I can now take a step back and breathe through the tough stuff and move towards a resolution.

Instead of being totally floored when (yet another) guy pulled a disappearing act… seriously where do they learn to do this? Magic classes for Players? … I could pick myself up and dust myself off and remember that at least I had been emotionally available this time and wasn’t it better to know now rather than in three months? 

And I’m stronger about standing up for myself and for what I want. I used to be embarrassed about looking for the perfect job and the Man of my Dreams.  I used to over-commit, only to wind up totally overwhelmed, and while I still need to work on this, I’ve definitely grown stronger this year.

I realize again how strong I actually am each time I don’t let a friend push me around on their agenda.  

It doesn’t mean I don’t love them. 

It just means I love me more. 

And I’m strong enough to say it and believe it now.